McGregor caught in Burke Tape Scandal

The Crime and Corruption Commission today revealed taped conversations between disgraced former disgrace Brian Burke and Mr McGregor. The tapes relate to Mr McGregor asking Brian Burke for help to get into town from Embleton.

Pic from The OZ satire Dept

Brian Burke: Mate it’s Brian.

Mr. McGregor: Mate.

Brian Burke: Listen mate, that little problem you have…

McGregor: er yeah mate…

Brian Burke:The problem we spoke about…

Mr. McGregor:…Yeah. Ah, what problem was..?

Brian Burke: The problem of getting into town from Embleton.

Mr. McGregor: Oh yeah, yeah.

Brian Burke: Listen mate, I’ve got a good friend in the transport industry…

Mr. McGregor: Right…

Brian Burke: A very good friend. He’s a mate.

Mr. McGregor: Great mate, that’s ah…

Brian Burke: Just listen mate. This is what you do.

Mr. McGregor: OK.

Brian Burke: Be on the corner of Broun Avenue and McSkimming street at 8:12 tomorrow morning.

Mr. McGregor: Right… that’s, ... so Collier Rd?

Brian Burke: Mate LISTEN. Not Collier, Broun and McSkimming. That’s the street you live on…Near the intersection with Russell

Mr. McGregor: Yeah I know it, ah so what do I do?

Brian Burke: Just listen mate. My mate will drive up in a Mercedes. A large green Mercedes. There will be a big number 21 on the front. Just wave your hand and he’ll stop.

Mr. McGregor: So he’s…

Brian Burke: I told you. He’s a mate. Just put out your hand and he’ll stop. He'll also have a sign saying "Busport via Beaufort Street."

Mr. McGregor: A BMW right.

Brian Burke: Are you LISTENING mate. A big green Merc.

Mr. McGregor: OK.

Brian Burke: He’ll take you right into town.

Mr. McGregor: Mate that’s great. But what if I miss him?

Brian Burke: Don’t do that mate, but if you do, another mate will be along at 8:32, then again at 8:52.

Mr. McGregor: OK, a big grey Honda.

Brian Burke: MERCEDES mate, a massive green Mercedes. (indistinct: Julian he's a f*cking moron)

Mr. McGregor: OK, OK, gotcha.

Brian Burke: You’ll need to keep him sweet though mate. Just a little something.

OK, like a cheque.

Brian Burke: No mate no! He will not take a cheque. Has to be cash. This is important.

Mr. McGregor: Fine mate. How much should I..?

Brian Burke: $2.10. In cash.

Mr. McGregor: So I say, "Here's the money from Brian and get on?

Brian Burke: No NO mate. Don't mention me or we'll all end up looking like f*ckwits OK?. Just have the cash ready and you’ll be in town in 25 minutes. And mate?

Mr. McGregor: Yeah?

Brian Burke: You didn’t get this from me.

Mr. McGregor: Mate.
AAP.

Toddlers Urinate. Parents Drink.

Michele Philips - Corporate Box

Flashback 2006…

Embleton is counting the cost of Jameson’s 1st birthday celebrations, marred by an extraordinary level of violence and drunkenness. Jameson is the McGregor child’s best friend and mentor.

Police admit that they were taken by surprise as the day's festivities at Feredy Street Park Embleton degenerated into a series of picnics...

Dateline 2007.

This year saw a big decrease in violence from 2006. Police said that a combination of hotter weather and the fact that the children were double the age of last year saw a huge decrease in major incidents.

Despite the better behaviour, council rangers still reported several incidents of urination by the partygoing toddlers, including the McGregor child. Police also confiscated almost 1 tonne of alcohol, brie and water crackers from parents of the children...

----------------------------

Michele, can you pad this out to 2000. Something like "Gee isn't it funny how men and women are different. Some of your usual golden crap -ed.

They Died. Good Riddance

Howard Sattler - Going Through The Motions

6PR Shock jock Howard Sattler today reprised his infamous "They died, Good riddance to bad rubbish." comment, but this time in relation to a kindergarten dance performance which included the McGregor child.

"They died, died, died on stage bigtime, despite the enthusiastic cheerleading of some of the "audience" barked the radio star. "The performance - some kind of flower dance had all the grace of a Commonwealth Games opening ceremony. If I didn't have 20 media comps I'd have asked for my money back.

Don't worry Australia, I'll be getting to the bottom of this. Does no-one teach tap anymore? Who is responsible? We'll be finding that out don't worry. Apparently Mrs McGregor had some sort of input into the costumes. They stunk, and they died.

I do not resile from my "they died" comments. Resile may or may not be a word, I'm not sure. My spellchecker flags it, but I'm sure I've seen it before.

They died and that's all that matters," ended Mr Sattler.

A spokesperson for the Bayswater Playgroup said, "The performance was generally well received." The children all did very well for 3 year olds, and the centre regarded Mr Sattler's comments as the hate filled rage of someone that couldn't cut it in the Sydney radio market and had to go back to Perth to replace Adrian Barich and Karl Langdon."



Flower to the People "Generally Well Received".

McGregor Family Pollution Load

Experts analyze increase in key pollutants discharged by the McGregor family during 2006.
By Pollution Expert Ricky Zhou.

My analysis of the total emission of sulfur dioxide by the McGregor Family's various activities, including travel and washing was 25.944 million tons in 2006, up 1.8 percent from 2005 and the total chemical oxygen demand (COD) was 14.313 million tons, up 1.2 percent from 2005. Although the very serious fact remains that major pollutants increased rather than decreased, it happened at a slower rate that in 2005, the overall growth rate of the volume of sulfur dioxide discharged and COD was down 11.3 percent and 4.4 percent respectively, which shows some small reduction by the family.

My analysis: Could do better.

Downer Down on McGregors Holiday

Alan Jones

Minister for Foreign Affairs, Alexander Downer with Alan Jones on the McGregor family's decision to holiday overseas. Original Story

Jones: I thought we would talk to Foreign Minister, Alexander Downer, this morning, because apart from all of this and apart from the fact that foreign affairs is now a very central component of government policy and its execution, Alexander Downer has recently made two outstanding speeches on both the government's behalf regarding the McGregor family’s antics. And these ideas have deserved wide dissemination. Alexander Downer, good morning.

Downer: Good morning Alan.

Jones: Thank you for your time. First in relation to the McGregors, the bloke is a scumbag right? Choosing to holiday overseas rather than at home?

Downer: We believe so. We only have the information provided to us by the New Zealand Government. The Prime Minister of New Zealand yesterday evening issued a written press statement confirming that the McGregors were in fact holidaying in that country. And assuming that's true, if they’re not here, they’re no longer able to cause trouble here. Frankly the upside of all this is that at least for a few weeks, they’re Helen Clarke’s problem.

Jones: They've done a good job haven't they New Zealand in running these people down?

Downer: They're doing a better job. I think I would have to say to you we were pretty alarmed a few weeks ago when they cashed all that New Zealand currency. We thought then that perhaps they would be denying that money to Australian businesses. We’ve been keeping them under surveillance for some time. Of course buying NZ currency could mean anything.

Jones: And for all that you at times have been under fire. I noted with great interest an extraordinary speech, an outstanding speech you made in a Sir Thomas Playford Annual Lecture. You spoke about that tendency of some church leaders to ignore their primary pastoral obligations in favour of hogging the limelight on complex political issues. The McGregor family for example.

Downer: Let me make one thing clear. People, anybody in Australia, is entitled to go overseas on holiday. It’s just that when it’s such an obvious slap in the face to Australia, the environment and our local tourism industry. And I don't deny church leaders the right to speak out on political issues and to attack the government. Of course they can do that if they want to, and sometimes its appropriate. But I think they spend too much time, some of them do, they vary - spend too much time posturing on political issues, , and not enough time focusing on giving spiritual nourishment to this miserable McGregor family. It's nothing to do with the government's policy on Iraq.

Jones: You said 'to debate international law is fair enough, but these commentators provided a one-sided moral message on war that offered no insight into the moral price the world would pay if it failed to address the vile, immorality of the McGregor family.

Downer: Yes, and I feel that very strongly. I try to make decisions on the basis of the best moral option available.

Jones: Good on you. It's good to talk to you and thank you for the contribution you've made. I just wish there was more coverage of the kind of things that you've said.

Downer: Thanks Alan.

J'Accuse

Philip Adams

It's not the litres of water wasted that's worrisome writes Phillip Adam Original Story

ONCE in a while a court case puts an entire society on trial. J'accuse the French over Alfred Dreyfus and the US over O.J. Simpson. And Australia was not at its best during the trials and tribulations of Lindy Chamberlain. Each judicial scandal revealed the respective community's deepest, darkest prejudices.

But the trial that is trying our patience at the moment is the one that has not taken place: an unconscionable delay for which our Council Overlords must be judged guilty. L'affaire McGregor e l’aqua. Surely it’s not how long before the water ban was to be lifted. 10 minutes may as well be 10 hours. 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there. Multiply that over the whole of McSkimming Street, or even Embleton, and then ask your self why the dams are dry.

Leading voices in the conservative chorus - the likes of well-known psychiatrist Alexander Downer have no sympathy for the lack of prosecution. May he water his garden in peace and subsequently in hell.

How can people water in hell? Perchance it's a mispronunciation of wafer. Either way, Mr McGregor’s road to hell is paved with a well watered flower bed of thirsty Northern hemisphere plants. For McGregor, due process is grossly overdue process.

J'accuse Bayswater Council

Dirt Unit

Christian Kerr - When is it news, or is that mould?
See Mouldy Shower topic for full story.

Christian Kerr, Conservative Think Tank.





Can someone either emind me where I stole this from, or provide a worse picture of Christian.

There may not be a dirt unit in Canberra, but that doesn't mean that the mould scrubbing brushes should be idle, writes Christian Kerr, conservative think tank.

On Tuesday, John Howard told Brisbane radio: "There is no dirty shower unit." That doesn't mean, however, that dirt isn't a currency of domestic politics. It just needs to be put in context. The context of a shower in Embleton.

Those who have actually seen the McGregors mouldy shower unit are few, but gossip, rumour and innuendo swirl round the system like smog - from the bathroom floor up.

Dirt seeps through the cracks at all levels of our home/domestic system, into the local press and, sometimes, daily reporting.

Unless it has been carefully managed and spun, virtually all news, including that of mould in a shower begins with hearsay. But when is hearsay news?

That's the balancing act media have to manage. No wonder reporters slip- On mould that is.

Where the Bloody hell Were You McGregors?

7/2/2007 - Where the Bloody Hell Were You McGregors?

Interesting argument surfacing in The Guardian and elsewhere, re: the McGregors 'recent international holiday in New Zealand. Justin Francis in Responsible travel.com writes,

“As we fly into the Alps for our skiing holiday our flight is contributing to its destruction; our honeymoon flight to the Maldives is sinking it under rising sea levels and destroying coral through bleaching associated with global warming; and our safari flight to Africa is contributing to drought, famine and disease. Even if our holiday benefits local people should the responsible traveller by flying, and what is to be done about emissions?"

What exactly.

How many tons of greenhouse gases were produced by the McGregor’s holiday? I doubt the people of the Pacific Islands will welcome this visit with open arms. When the water rises to their waists, the McGregors will be back home on their slightly elevated block on McSkimming Street in Embleton.Can I be the first to suggest that this family is made persona non grata in Tonga?

The McGregor’s holiday was not only a kick in the teeth for the environment, but a knee to the groin of the local tourist industry.

A spokesperson for the industry said that “The McGregors should have considered the many fantastic locations in Western Australia such as Bunbury and Geraldton. With fuel prices so high, it would almost be criminal to go overseas.”

Exactly.

The tourism Australia website states, “There has been a boom in overseas travel by Australians in the past three years – fuelled by their high preference for international travel matched by a strong currency and cheaper outbound fares and packages. Domestic trips, nights and spend has been flat or declined over the same period.”

Thanks very much McGregors.

The McGregor family claimed that they went to New Zealand, because their child’s grandparents live there, and they wanted to see the boy. Mr McGregor also claimed to be a regular visitor to the South West region of Western Australia, and fully appreciated what the State has to offer.

Methinks too little too late.

The Horn.

Gerard Henderson - Year of the Pigsty

6/2/2007 - Gerard Henderson - Year of the Pigsty

Gerard Henderson - Raconteur

The good news is the Year of the Dog is almost over with, the Year of the Pig to follow. The bad news is that The year of The Pig came early to the McSkimming Street shower cubicle.

January commences with the reality that the mould was here to stay. There is reflection within the community on lawyer Greg Barns's comment that "Australia has become a pigsty". And we await the fulfilment of Germaine Greer's soothsaying that "this looks like being a mouldy summer" from the Gold Coast to Perth.

It wasn't.

Unless you like foot rot.

Unless you were in McSkimming Street.

February. Self-proclaimed futurist (or should that be pastist?) Richard Neville identifies with a placard that declares: "The West has entered a Dark Age." - over Mr McGregor’s right to clean his mould whenever he likes. And what is the source of such wisdom? A rioting radical Islamist in dictatorial Syria, no less.

I shudder at the thought of that Damascus shower cubicle.

Even the left has deserted the McGregors over the watering issue.

Federated Water Wasting

6/2/2007 - Paul Murray - Editorial Federated Water Wasting. Original Story

Paul Murray

The individual rights mantra has always been a popular part of The McGregor Family’s songbook. It is rolled out as a war hymn whenever the threat of council or police action rears its ugly head.

And over the years it has generally been successful because the chip-on-the-shoulder attitude of the McGregor Family is also part of our own political and social landscape.

The arguments in favour of the rights of the individual within the laws drawn up with Federation law have often been passionately argued.

But the Federation was designed for different times. The world — Australia and McSkimmings Street — are all changing rapidly, Mr McGregor, and what was applicable in 1901 may not be right now. Globalisation, for one, has changed the political environment.

Frankly, Mr McGregor, you shouldn’t have had a leg to stand on when you began watering 10 minutes before the ban time was over. The fact that you are protected by a judiciary throwing out council prosecutions as “trivial” is to your favour, but to society’s disservice.

Please don’t hide behind Federation to circumvent the save water message.

You’re part of society. Start acting like it.

Paul Murray, former Editor West Australian

Liar

Paul Murray - I'm a liar Australia!

Paul Murray

You know, promises are funny things. You get a promise from a politician, and what's it worth? A promise from a familly man should be worth more right? Maybe maybe not. I wouldn't be the first to doubt the word this particular family man, but I was prepared, along with many other West Australians to give it another try.

On the 10th of January we received a solemn declarion from Mr McGregor that the mould would be removed from the shower by close of business 12th January. I duly announced this on these pages, with, if not faith, then hope.

It is a my sad duty to report that Mr McGregor has made a liar of me, and suckers of you and the rest of the English speaking world. As of today, the mould remains in situ.

A spokesman from the Heath Department advises that moulds can cause allergies, especially in young children. It can also be a symptom of general uncleanliness in the bathroom area.

Is the condemnation of the health authorities enough for you Mr McGregor? If not, maybe the threat to your child's health is enough for you.

Where's your BA now Mr McGregor? You might as well use it to wipe up the mould for all the good it's doing you. If you'd come up through the tough school of rural journalism like I have, you'd know that a man's word is his word.

At least that's the Australia I used to know.











Mould in Grouting, McSkimming Street (AAP)

Water Waste Shocker

4/2/2007 - Water Waste Shocker

Feb 4. The McSkimming Street property has fallen foul of the water restriction laws. Reports are that Mr McGregor has been nabbed watering the garden 10 minutes before the water ban time ended. A spokesman for Bayswater Council said that a council ranger would investigate. It is assumed that charges are imminent. It is a pity McGregor family puts themselves above the laws of the land. A spokesperson from the family denied the garden was illegally watered. Click on picture for enlarged garden shot.

The Horn